| Once a Year Laugh... |
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| SUMMARY OF ALL THE EMAILS I RECEIVED IN THE YEAR 2006 I must send my thanks to whomever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I am still waiting to receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates is sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to email, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life. I will never check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer answer the phone because someone will hack into my line for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Iowa, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to all the great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I find in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex predator waiting underneath a car to grab my leg. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 60 minutes, you will have 10 years of bad luck. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... |
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