Hurricanes and Hangovers and Other Tall Tales and Loose Lies from the Coconut Telegraph by Dear Miss Mermaid

By following the simple advice I heard on the Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace.

 

Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started and never finished".

 

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this
morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kalua,
a package of Oreos,the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake,
some Doritos and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.